We got back from Cleveland yesterday at 3 in the afternoon. After a week of hectic vacationing and two official days of mourning, it's good to be home. When I think back over everything that's happened this week, it feels surreal, almost dreamlike. It's hard for me register that my grandmother's gone.

She was always the one person you could count on to be at a family event, cheerful and ready to talk about anything. Even though we had different political ideologies, she taught me to believe in things strongly and not to be afraid to speak my mind. Although it's a terrible cliche, she really did live her life to the fullest - she was content with the simplest aspects of life, without that restless yearning for more that I'm cursed with. I developed an interest in some of my favorite things - reading, history, costume, classical  music, etc. because of her and her ever present drive to learn more about the past. She was such a strong presence in my life and I would not be the same person I am today without her guidance.

My aunt did most of the funeral arranging, as she lives in Cleveland, where Grandma died. She set up a nice viewing, the mass (which was very uncomfortable but I'm sure my grandmother would have been pleased by it), and a church luncheon. I tip my hat to her - it can't be easy to plan your mother's funeral. The whole time though, I felt like I was going through the motions of grief. Her loss hasn't really hit me yet. I haven't cried or cursed anyone divine, or done any stuff like that. I've just thought a lot about death and what it means. The  only conclusion I've reached is that I want to live my life with her spirit, and if I manage to do so, death will not frighten me.

Mood thoughtful Tags: family stuff, life at home