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You Know What They Say About Unhappy Families
It's been a hectic week, rife with plenty of family DRAMA. I'm kind of exhausted, to be honest, which is why I haven't been able to post about it until now. As background info, I should mention that there are two great crises in our lives at the moment, both concerning old ladies: one is the declining health and mental faculties of my paternal grandmother, the other is the issue of moving my maternal grandmother out of her house and into a nursing home.
On Sunday my dad's sister and her family came to visit in order to claim my grandma's car. She's been in various care facilities since Christmas and it's quite obvious that she's not coming back, so the ghoulish dismantling of her possessions has been going on for quite some time now. Not that I can talk, really, since some of her things have worked their way among my things, but it is very eerie to walk through her nearly empty house knowing that her treasures are lying carelessly on our dining room floor. Anyway, the visit itself wasn't tense or anything and it was nice to see everyone, but my aunt warned us that Grandma's memory was just about gone and that we would find her severely changed. My aunt's family lives in Cleveland and it was while visiting them that Grandma's health broke down, so they see her constantly while we rarely do. However, we planned to go up on Thursday, and so we did, armed with the what my aunt said about her mom.
Well, yesterday we made the six hour round trip to Cleveland and after enduring the agony of a numb butt, discovered that Grandma is no more worse off than when my parents visited her in May. Yes, she has a shoddy short term memory, but she remembers who are, the general outline of what's going in our lives, and can speak lucidly. So, basically, my aunt continued her pattern of exaggerating her illness, for some reason. Personally, it doesn't bother me that much, since I'm glad to know that my grandmother is still doing okay, but my dad's ticked and I worry that he's going to asplode some time in the future over it. Hopefully not in a time of actual crisis.
Okay, so we get home exhausted and our focus shifts toward my maternal grandmother, who is selling her house. Well, more like my mom is selling it, because her mom is extremely reluctant to do so. My grandfather died in January of 2008 and left her without the money necessary for her to continue living in her house, so she's leaving out of extreme necessity and not of her own free will. As time's gone on, she's gotten a lot needier, and I wouldn't be amiss in saying that 75% of my mom's focus at the moment is on her mother. Last night, after only having her house up for sale for a week, my grandma got a fabulous offer on it. I don't want to go into too much detail, but seriously, it's perfect for her and us. You couldn't ask for anything better. But my grandma, who is prone to tantrums, freaked out and wanted to turn it down. According to my mom, it's because she thought the buyers were trying to screw her over, but I think it's really because she doesn't want to face the reality of leaving. And you know, it's understandable. My grandpa died in the house and I'm sure she has lots of fond memories of it. But she insulted my mother, insinuating that my mother was trying to manipulate her into accepting the offer in order to get rid of her, which is inexcusable after everything Mom has done. My poor mother had a breakdown because once my grandmother's mind is made up, it's impossible to persuade her differently, and so everyone went to bed unhappy. This morning, she took Grandma to look at nursing homes, and I guess they figured something out, because she's going to make a counter-offer. I'm still not happy with her, though. When I was younger, my grandmother was one of my favorite people, but as time has gone on, the veil has been lifted, so to speak. It's hard growing up and realizing that the people you used to admire are deeply flawed. It's really hard when it's a close relative. I just hope this whole thing wraps up soon. I'm tired of constant family drama. It's worse than high school!
On Sunday my dad's sister and her family came to visit in order to claim my grandma's car. She's been in various care facilities since Christmas and it's quite obvious that she's not coming back, so the ghoulish dismantling of her possessions has been going on for quite some time now. Not that I can talk, really, since some of her things have worked their way among my things, but it is very eerie to walk through her nearly empty house knowing that her treasures are lying carelessly on our dining room floor. Anyway, the visit itself wasn't tense or anything and it was nice to see everyone, but my aunt warned us that Grandma's memory was just about gone and that we would find her severely changed. My aunt's family lives in Cleveland and it was while visiting them that Grandma's health broke down, so they see her constantly while we rarely do. However, we planned to go up on Thursday, and so we did, armed with the what my aunt said about her mom.
Well, yesterday we made the six hour round trip to Cleveland and after enduring the agony of a numb butt, discovered that Grandma is no more worse off than when my parents visited her in May. Yes, she has a shoddy short term memory, but she remembers who are, the general outline of what's going in our lives, and can speak lucidly. So, basically, my aunt continued her pattern of exaggerating her illness, for some reason. Personally, it doesn't bother me that much, since I'm glad to know that my grandmother is still doing okay, but my dad's ticked and I worry that he's going to asplode some time in the future over it. Hopefully not in a time of actual crisis.
Okay, so we get home exhausted and our focus shifts toward my maternal grandmother, who is selling her house. Well, more like my mom is selling it, because her mom is extremely reluctant to do so. My grandfather died in January of 2008 and left her without the money necessary for her to continue living in her house, so she's leaving out of extreme necessity and not of her own free will. As time's gone on, she's gotten a lot needier, and I wouldn't be amiss in saying that 75% of my mom's focus at the moment is on her mother. Last night, after only having her house up for sale for a week, my grandma got a fabulous offer on it. I don't want to go into too much detail, but seriously, it's perfect for her and us. You couldn't ask for anything better. But my grandma, who is prone to tantrums, freaked out and wanted to turn it down. According to my mom, it's because she thought the buyers were trying to screw her over, but I think it's really because she doesn't want to face the reality of leaving. And you know, it's understandable. My grandpa died in the house and I'm sure she has lots of fond memories of it. But she insulted my mother, insinuating that my mother was trying to manipulate her into accepting the offer in order to get rid of her, which is inexcusable after everything Mom has done. My poor mother had a breakdown because once my grandmother's mind is made up, it's impossible to persuade her differently, and so everyone went to bed unhappy. This morning, she took Grandma to look at nursing homes, and I guess they figured something out, because she's going to make a counter-offer. I'm still not happy with her, though. When I was younger, my grandmother was one of my favorite people, but as time has gone on, the veil has been lifted, so to speak. It's hard growing up and realizing that the people you used to admire are deeply flawed. It's really hard when it's a close relative. I just hope this whole thing wraps up soon. I'm tired of constant family drama. It's worse than high school!
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Er. That wasn't the least bit comforting, was it? I hope you get the chance to rest up! Family drama can be incredinly draining.
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What you said illuminated why my dad might be so upset - it's probably because he has to rely on my aunt for news about his mom, and so that reinforces the fact that he doesn't see her often. (She used to live relatively close to us and we would see her a lot.)
I'm doing my best to hold down the fort - I'm more on the sidelines than a direct participant in all this, but you're right, it does get very draining. Hopefully things will work out soon!
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I hope things get a little better soon. ♥
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