I've been pretty reserved these past couple days but I'm trying to break myself of it. Sometimes I have a mood where I curl into myself and don't want anything to do with the outside world. I don't know if I was feeling this way because of my grandma's death or because things here are awkward or maybe even because I'm really stressing about money right now, but it's starting to let up a little bit now, which is good.

Lots of cute clothes are out there, so lately I've been beginning to shop for my school clothes. Unfortunately, doing so has reminded me of how much weight I've gained over the summer. You know, I try to be body positive and remind myself that I really don't look that bad, but something inside of my clenches in frustration whenever I have to upgrade from a 4 to a 6. I know that doesn't sound like much, but when you're 5'3'' you have a smaller frame to work with and mine has become uncomfortably...rotund. I've started a diet and exercise regime which I have no idea if it'll work. Pros: Been to the Y twice in 3 days; cons: ate a gigantic brownie last night. We'll see.

Put a bunch of stuff up on Ebay last night which I'm hoping and praying (even as an agnostic, LOL) will sell. It would help me out so much if it does. I hate being pinchy about money - I feel like such a greedy, grasping asshat. I hate being dependent on my parents for everything. I hate knowing that my money problems aren't really that serious at all and are due more to my compulsive spending habits than any real need. And, of course, I hate knowing that this all comes down to not having a job.

Mood annoyed Tags: clothes, life at home, that's depressing

Since I've been AWOL for the last couple of days, I feel like I should mention everything that's going on right now. I'm currently sitting in the Wi Fi lounge of a Marriott Residence Inn in Washington DC, checking up on all of the craziness that's happened today, from the Sanford scandal to all the celebrity deaths that have been happening for the past couple of days. We've been in D.C. since Monday, visiting the sites and eating delicious food (just got back from Central Michel Richard, where I had *the* most delicious banana split).

Unfortunately, it hasn't been a great vacation so far. Every day our plans change, my parents bicker, and I get more sunburned. Yesterday, while on the way to Union Station to catch a trolley, we heard from one my aunts that my paternal grandma died that morning. I'm still in the disbelief stage right now, so I don't when it's going to sink in that she's actually gone. We decided to go ahead with our vacation, since my dad's relatives were going to gather anyway around the 4th of July before Grandma died, but this means that as soon as we get home we'll have to hustle over to Cleveland for the service.

I'm a little burnt out right now. Aside from stress of traveling and the family emergency, my OCD is acting up and my feet are killing me. The rest of my family went to some museums today, but I stayed in the hotel to eat stale cereal and sleep. Let me tell you, it felt good.

Mood sad Tags: family stuff, life at home, that's depressing

It's been a hectic week, rife with plenty of family DRAMA. I'm kind of exhausted, to be honest, which is why I haven't been able to post about it until now. As background info, I should mention that there are two great crises in our lives at the moment, both concerning old ladies: one is the declining health and mental faculties of my paternal grandmother, the other is the issue of moving my maternal grandmother out of her house and into a nursing home.

( Probably not interesting to anyone but me... )

Mood moody Music The Tonight Show w/ Conan Tags: family stuff, life at home, that's depressing

"I would never hurt her. I would got to end of the earth for her. But because I feel so strongly about opposed to this bill, blame it on my upbringing or the good book. … I can't change how I feel … But because of who I am and where I am and as a member of this legislative body, ethically it is my duty and responsibility to publicly say to my daughter that I do not support [gay marriage]." --- Rep. Sheryl Briggs of Maine

Found via ontd_political, here.

How can this woman sleep at night? 

Mood nauseated Tags: current events, homophobia, that's depressing